I used to hate you for giving me up. I couldn’t stand the thought and I couldn’t understand it. To this day I still don’t understand why you did it. Why didn’t you fight for me? Why didn’t you stay in the same state? Why move half way across the world?
You were in and out of my life. You had no desire to really get to know me. One memory I will always have was when you brought home a pizza with everything on it and anyone who even remotely knows me knows that I only eat cheese and pepperoni pizza. I think that’s the moment I felt you didn’t care about me. You only flew me a handful of times and once a year to see you during the summer for a week.
I look at my children and I just don’t get it. I have called you crying and you then made promises that you never kept. I got tired of reaching out to you. I am tired of being the one always trying. You found out your third child really isn’t yours yet you make more of an effort to see him and have him in your life then your own daughter. My family (your side) has nothing to do with me including my grand parents. Am I that much a disappointment? Since you and mom were young? What did I do wrong? I ask myself these things everyday! I haven’t spoken to you since September of 2015. I have learned I will always ask myself these questions daily and I know I will never understand.
BUT I want to say thank you. Because of what you did I did gain an amazing father that took me in and raised me. It saddens me it took me so long to realize how lucky I really was.
So if you choose not to reach out to me and build a relationship that will be your loss. It will always be something that saddens me, that I will never understand and that will make me burst in tears randomly but I have tried and I know that. I know I can’t make you be or do something you don’t want to.