I fell in love with a guarded heart and although difficult at times this love is the greatest love I have ever felt.
People whom have guarded hearts trust themselves more then they would or are willing to trust any else in their lives; let alone anyone they meet. People who are guarded enjoy being by themselves and are content. This isn’t to say people who enjoy being alone have guarded hearts but from my experience guarded hearts enjoy being alone versus being with many people. People with guarded hearts have this wall built up at all times and it is so hard to tear down. I guess in the beginning I didn’t know he was guarded. I didn’t know there was a wall I would have to tear down piece by piece. I didn’t know this was something I would always have to do. I have learned this makes him feel safe. Everyone wants to feel safe. Some people put themselves out there knowing they may get hurt and some have been hurt too harshly or too much that they just become more cautious and want to be safe.
Instead of opening up sometimes he makes a joke and dismisses his true feelings with laughter or humor. This is his defense mechanism. He likes a select few people and trusts even fewer people.
In the beginning I didn’t see this because we moved so quickly. We met, fell in love, moved in together, got married, got pregnant and started a life together all under a year. It was after we were married his true heart came to light. We were both so swept up in the moment that we didn’t think it was possible to get hurt. Then he started questioning “What if this doesn’t work out?”, “What if I am not what she wants.” I found that I needed to constantly show my affection and my love for him. I would be told how “You deserve to be with someone else.” or “I know this will end.” I didn’t deserve anyone else. I finally found my soul mate and the person that wasn’t perfect, who is?, but was perfect in my eyes and certainly perfect for me. I always and will continue to have to reassure this man I am not and will not be going anywhere. There is no one better for me in this world. This man is exactly what I want and more importantly what I need. My home is with him.
Guarded hearts are not born guarded they are created. This man has been through so much in his life and has been hurt countless times. The moments he opens up are truly breathtaking. We have talked about why he is guarded and how the majority of people he has cared about are gone, have left him or have hurt him badly. This doesn’t make him an emotional mess and this doesn’t mean he is an emotional mess. This man chooses to love but be safe. When he loves it is breathtaking and even magical. This man has shown me real love in a way I never thought possible. This man has shown me true friendship and this man has made me feel emotions I never thought possible.
There are days I am pushed away. There are days he refuses to let me in. There are days that are filled with so much emotion and yet he doesn’t show any. However, the days I am pushed away I now know to push back harder. The days he refuses to let me in I know he needs some time to process what is going on and then to sit on him, literally sit on him, and get his full attention and talk, then he lets me in. The days filled with emotion yet he doesn’t show any, I already know how he feels. When we get into bed for the night, that is when his emotions unfold and he lets me in even more. When he doesn’t show any emotion it doesn’t mean he is heartless, he is processing his feelings. This doesn’t mean he has a cold heart, this makes him a real and true person.
I used to think it was something I did. I used to think there was something wrong with me. I know there isn’t anything that I have done wrong. I know there is nothing wrong with me. Now I know how to truly love. Now I know how to truly communicate. Now I know how to truly make someone truly happy and to truly be a partner. This man has taught me so much and taught me so much about love.
He may not always let me in or let me in when I want to be let in but he does let me in, when he’s ready. He may not be open with his feelings or affection but he is the first person to remember my favorite things and the first person I know I can always talk to. He doesn’t make gushy posts about me on Facebook like I do to him, but he loves me deeply and has opened up to me more then anyone. Loving him has been the best part of my life. This man loves me with ever fiber of his being and would do anything for me. I have experienced love in it’s true form, the love we all wish to have and the ones we hear about in storybooks.
If you love someone who is guarded don’t give up. You will forever regret giving up. Be patient. Your about to experience truly deep love. It is not easy but the journey will be worth it.